back to the woods

Well, I gave it all I had. I went back to where my family lives and tried my best to readjust. There was no turning around for me. I have become too independent, too animal for that living situation. I have returned to my cabin.
The forest had taken over almost everything in the few months that I was gone. The garden was growing wild and rampant, beyond the fence. A tree had been stricken down and landed a good sized hole in the roof of the cabin, which let in squirrel and birds. I admit I almost turned back but I remembered that the purpose, or my purpose now rather, was my obligation to this place.
Over the course of the day I trimmed back the ferns and hacked out some lesser fruit plants. I covered the roof hole with a couple of boards, I'll have to fix the whole thing tomorrow. Its going to be quite a job getting this all back together.
In the morning I'll go catch some fish.

fare well march

March has come. As long as this month usually seems this time it has swept by. Looking toward the future has become a daily routine for me. The days are nothing but moments now, my work has become apparently futile. Considering what brother said to me not long ago, I think I may be preparing myself for leaving this place. The fact that I can leave here as easily as I arrived has squandered my intentions, if I ever had any. In due time, maybe tomorrow or the next day I will abandon my solitude, leaving all behind. In some ways I guess I look foreward to seeing and hearing others. To the hill side town I will return. The gardens will grow back and the deer can have them. The winter shelters will fall and be home to vermin. The cabin will go unattended and shelter coyote, or rabbits. The bluff will take only the company of the falcons. The stream will keep her fish and water. The forge will rot over time and be artifact to surveyors and developers a hundred years from now. Begotten to be forgotten. Spring will arrive without witness and my work will be washed by the undertow of nature.

Cold February, still cold

It was a couple days ago when I noticed the moon getting bigger. It was sitting heavy in the sky. Each night for the past week the sky has been so clear. Two days ago I noticed an eclipse, I was unaware of this on the calendar. It was the most beautiful eclipse I have ever seen. That moon was so red. It had become noticably darker out too. It is hard to imagine how shadows can work in such an enourmous place as outerspace.

God, this is a strange place to be.

Crystal Mountain

It has been quite cold this winter. In January there was a brief thaw, but in reality that seems to just make things worse, for both anticipation and practicality. The snow melted and turned to ice, making it more difficult to access items I had intered for preservation, such as meats and vegetables I kept in my little ground fridge.

Brother came out once in January, looks like that will be the last time he is going to make it out here for quite a while. He notified me that he is going to be moving down south, taking the family to live a better life. I told him life out here might be even better than that, he scoffed at that remark. He even suggested that I return to "normal" life. I told him after all I've been through out here, going back would be certain confusion and depression.

I am going to miss him.

Two days after brother left I woke to heavy rains early in the morning. I thought for sure that I was going to see another thaw and muddy mess. After slipping back into slumber and then awakening again just after dawn I looked out to see nothing but ice everywhere. I crawled out of bed and packed my leggings and sweater with newpaper threw on my coat and boots and headed out of doors. The sun was just making its way over the distant mountains which were whiter than snow. Each and every branch, sapling, and shoot from the ground had been encased in a neatly ordered one inch ice cylinder. The sun could play no better tricks on the eye in tandem with the ice than what was happening here, every chunk of ice became a prizm. A gentle breeze picked through and echoed the chatter of a crystal chandelier in a drafty room. I was yearning for home, for someone to share this experience with.

Observatory

Big snow last night, about a foot and a half. Spent most of the day digging out the wood shed, forge, and paths.
All that physical work got me thinking about turning the hunting loft into an observatory. It will keep me closer to home on those nights I feel like star gazing, rather than running up the half mile hike to the peak. I might try to figure out a caldendar by keeping record of what is going on up there. I ought to have brother bring some books on astronomy so I can get a head start on this. Its going to take some work I'm sure, going to have to wait till winter is over. I've got the loft stocked with frozen venicin and fish right now anyway, hope it's enough to give me the energy to build this thing.

Bitter December

Bitter, bitter cold this morning. I rose from bed and stoked the fire in the cabin and began my breakfast. Today I'm out to build some winter shelters, probably will get one or two done today. The old mare is stiff and cold, her days are numbered. I wish she could have passed before the frost. I hate to think of what the coyotes are going to do to her if I lay her out in the forest. I considered taking her meat and smoking it for the winter, but she is too old and honestly I don't think theres enough meat left on her for it to be worth the effort. Though her hide would be prize in making a new coat or chaps, maybe even a blanket. Anyway, I am in terrible pain from the cold, got to keep moving to take my mind off of it. Expecting brother in a couple weeks, as long as the snow doesn't get too heavy.

Winter Prep

I have been preparing for winter, struggling with the constant headache, nausea has been coming in waves. On Monday I prepared two winter stacks, or day shelters. The day shelters are more efficient than the cabin for keeping warm, smaller space... less to heat. It’s pretty dumb work, stacking these sticks, keeps the headache from getting in the way. The old mare stumbled a couple times today; I think she may be arthritic. If she falls, she is done for. A beast of burden whether she lives or dies.