Winter Prep

I have been preparing for winter, struggling with the constant headache, nausea has been coming in waves. On Monday I prepared two winter stacks, or day shelters. The day shelters are more efficient than the cabin for keeping warm, smaller space... less to heat. It’s pretty dumb work, stacking these sticks, keeps the headache from getting in the way. The old mare stumbled a couple times today; I think she may be arthritic. If she falls, she is done for. A beast of burden whether she lives or dies.

Autumn

The anger has subsided. I have been, however, experiencing intense headaches. I wonder if this must be some allergy. The autumn season is in full swing, the leaves have peaked and are on their way to the forest floor where they will blanket the years upbringings and undoings. I have been keeping warm with the little iron stove, wool blankets, and old newspapers. The chill has forced me to reduce the hours of sleep I get, because of the need to feed the fire. My foot has healed completely, though I wish my toe could have grown back, the phantom sensations are always there. The old mare is not doing well, I bring her in the cabin at night, she sits while she sleeps.

Anger

Vinegar in the blood for the past few days, I'm not sure why. In the hellish heat of summer I did not snap once, I think I may have even forgotten what it was like to be angry. This is peculiar though, I'm not angry at anything, I just seem to be filled with rage all of a sudden. This feeling has kept me from focusing on tasks, I have not chopped wood in two days, I fear I will harm myself. Each meal I have cooked recently just ends up being burned or bland. The old mare senses my anger, she stands back each time I pass her.

Amputation

Had my brother amputate my infected toe and a good portion of the instep of my foot. Nearly had to take to whole thing off. It has been tough getting around in the woods not being able to step with both feet. I rigged up a sling for my foot to hold it up behind me while I walk. I'm currently working on a prosthetic to replace the toe and tissue mass that I lost. Hopefully, this prosthetic will help me keep my balance on this turbulent forest floor. The piece is carved out of some cherry that was used to build some of the furniture in my cabin. I am articulating both the form the best I can to mimic the severed part. The large toe will be separate as well as an intermediate section, two portions of the instep will also be separately carved. The entire piece will then be bound together with some clock springs, which my brother will bring up soon, and monofiliment fishing line from my own reel. I thought about using the fiberglass rod as a flexing suspension of the individual pieces but I will wait to see it it is necessary. Mean while I spend most of my day cleaning the vacancy and wraping it with clean cotton rags.

Foot

The corn I have planted seems to be doing well. I built a make-shift fence to keep the larger mammals away, though the lesser ones seem to find any way in to attack the stalks. I have been dealing pretty hard with the mosquitos on myself. The heat is hard to deal with, I have to stay covered to keep the biters away, not working well with my profuse sweating. I have an infection in my left big toe, somehow it took a cut, I must have picked something up in the river. Cleaning the wound is hard enough but the swelling and pain is getting worse each hour. Some black willow bark helps the pain but I have yet to find some sort of antiseptic besides the vodka, which is not working. I'm sure I need an antibiotic of some sort. Worse may come to worse, but I'll have to wait until I'm sure I can do the surgery without risking more. I'm expecting my brother anyday now, I'll see what he says.

Trap

The trap worked! I went out this morning with a canvas bag and carefully pulled the stiff frightened body from inside the box. His heart was beating a mile a minute and he did not make a single move. I put him in a cage that I built last night. It is a similar sized box with rods that I made from stretching out the springs of my box spring matress. I kept him there in the cage on top of my table and watched him for several hours. He looked as if he were praying, maybe repenting, his little fore feet were cupped under his mouth and his little nose twitched, sometimes he would close his eyes for a long time, then open them suddenly.

Fishing

Fishing today. It has been really cold. I kept the fly larva in my mouth, between my lower lip and jaw to keep them from the cold... the fish prefer the live bait. One good catch.